Hello, Welcome to my blog, "Kitchen and letters."
I will write this in the same format as "Bridget Jones dairy." Just imagine me listening to the song " All by my self," singing out loud and drinking wine at 9 am! Not really, but it does sound like a good idea. I am weighing
myself, crying, and writing in my journal. I did not do any of that, however ( I love this word, one of my favorites, it always sounds as if you will conclude that). I started by thinking about the highlight of this year. Some of them were very sad, but many of them brought good changes. Nonetheless, I feel fortunate for all the experiences that happened. For everything I have learned, especially for the feelings I have let go of.
I started the day by listening to meditative music and cleaning. I taught an English class, sent English class proposals, and answered emails. I read my tarot cards for the new year, took my girls for a walk, and cooked pancakes for my school students. It was beautiful to hear them sing with such enthusiasm "Happy birthday" to give me the cards they so carefully made. They do make my day! Even when they are moody, when it is hard for them, and for me, when it is hot or windy, we are still trying to get to know and understand each other. I enjoy going to school to teach; there has not been a day that I did not want to go to work at the school.
My numbers: Today, I turned 43. I have been living in Mexico longer than I spent in London. Nonetheless, it feels like yesterday. I have not seen my best friend, Miriam, in almost 14 years. She has her plane ticket for the summer. I have been "single" for two years. I have two dogs. I have more friends that live abroad than the ones that live here. My weight is good, not the best, but good. My health, in general, is good; trying to walk 10,000 steps a day, plus morning yoga. Swimming is in the future. I earn a decent salary as a freelance, and I am the "owner" of my time. This year, I started to save for my retirement. It still sounds weird to think about it, but not that young anymore. I still dream of building my house in my little piece of heaven. Working to make this happen.
I have been thinking about today all day. The truth is that I did not want today to end. For some reason, 43 is a significant number. I do fit in it. I do like it, but it is starting to feel real.
As I look at a photo Evelynne posted on Facebook taken 21 years ago in London Hyde park, I stop and wonder: I can not believe it has been that long. It has been a while since I last saw Evelyne, too, seven years ago! Evelyne, Miriam, Michaela, and Laia always set a tone for my years passing. Laia is the one that I have known the last. I met Miriam and Evelyne more or less at the same time. I met Michaela at Uni, and that day was so wonderful. I had Italian coffee for the first time, authentic Italian coffee from this tiny coffee Italian coffee maker; for me, it was ridiculous. That is what made us friends. This big Italian girl is so proud to be Pisces, so happy to be a woman, and a Sociologist eager to learn more and more. God, take me back to them. To my girls! I miss my girls for everything they represent and all they are. I miss them for all that we are together.
I met Miriam while working at Mezzo( a restaurant where we worked together) circa 2000. The first movie that we went to see together was " Cats and dogs." It was not friendship at first sight, yet, with time, we became excellent friends. Miriam and I have many simple, ridiculous, and unforgettable memories together. We created so many as if life knew we would be away from each other for a long time, making us live all we could in the time we had. We lived together, traveled, got totally wasted, traveled abroad, and watched many movies, series, and anything you can imagine. We have moved the world. In 14 years, we have not spoken every day, sometimes not in months, but when we talk, we know. I always speak to Miriam to assure myself of something I should or shouldn't do. I trust her honest opinion and that she will advise me from what she knows. I can wait for August to come.
This year, I am settling down in everything. Settling does not mean I will calm down; it means moving forward with everything I do. It's closer to how I look shortly.
I know what I want to do for a living and I am loving, caring, and nurturing.
During my 42, I realized that time goes fast, like sand from your fingers. Since I closed the restaurant, I have been on a tireless quest; I wandered from one thing to another. Today, I know that if would have wanted to go back to the restaurant industry, I would have done it, I wanted to, but I could not deal with all the craziness that it is to have a restaurant, especially with the rents in this town. I have really been looking inside of me, looking and looking. At the end of my 42, I discovered what I have been looking for: at the end of the day, what I really like to do is to connect, communicate, teach, and research. I discovered that at 42, you could genuinely reinvent yourself. Even when I have tried and worked in so many trades in the past, I still had one more to try. Everything in the description fits me. I looked at everything that I have done, and in many ways, the constant in my life has been to communicate. I have done it through cooking, photography, teaching, writing, and connecting with people while volunteering. People come to me to connect them to other people. The little I have done, I have connected people to the right people. Also, I worked in what could be called the "Front of house" for a long time. Here, again I connect people to situations. I find a good fit for everyone and every situation. I have an eye for people, and with Sociology in hand, I naturally observe what people do, I do notice things, little things, but I try to match them to a character.
I remember Miriam telling me off when watching " Friends" many times. She had to tell me: I want to watch "Friends," watch them. Please refrain from giving me a social analysis of what our society looks or will look like in the future. If you want to watch it with me, that is the condition. I do have the tendency, not as much now, but I did a lot in the past to Socially analyze everything that I did and watched. I still do, in the silence of my mind and house.
With this in mind, one day, as I walked back from school, I thought about how enjoyable this teaching process has been and how much I have learned. We have to learn to communicate needs and wants from a young age and how important it is to have one that can teach us how to express ourselves. Expressing ourselves will have to do all of our life, in one way or another. Therefore, identifying how we feel from a young age is essential to our existence.
This has been one of my latest personal discussions with myself, the Self-discovery. When I thought I wanted to teach, it was the job, not the lesson. Teaching is a way to teach me how to learn to write and express my thoughts and feelings. I have to teach kids and adults daily how to learn a new language at different levels. Teaching is not only teaching the language itself but understanding why they want to know, encouraging them to see the significant changes it would have in their lives.
I see layers upon layers in many situations; I try to see the positive in things.
Anyway, this birthday was exceptional. I did celebrate with many people—especially my family. I'm lucky to have more people I connect with here and abroad. I am so delighted with the women with bright, hard-working, and artistic in their way, for friends I have met and how those women have improved my life. I am happy for the new bonds I have met, especially the old ones, that we have kept close despite the distance and the years apart. I raise my glass for them and to continue to share my life with them.
Until next time.
Iliana Lanuza
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